I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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