i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
God, I missed his penis.
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