i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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