Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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