While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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