why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He passed out mid-signature
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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