Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
