awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
