i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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