god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
