It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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