is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
