im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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