He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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