Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
