if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize