Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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