I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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