I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
