I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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