WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
