I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
