Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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