So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
