Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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