go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
