I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
