I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
