apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
