he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
