walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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