if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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