4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
