You're so nebulous sometimes
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
