The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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