He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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