I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
