I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
