Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
