My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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