This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
