wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
