i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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