I wish I could punch you in the face.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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