I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
