my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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