My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
