Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
