so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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