why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
