And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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