She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Randomize
