he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
