if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
