WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
