similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
