his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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