Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
