I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
