My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
