So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
whose ass print is on the piano?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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