so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I intend to get homeless drunk
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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