I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
