Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
