so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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