I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
time to smoke my breakfast
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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