Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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