I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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