I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
