State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
