i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
