I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
