Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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