capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
