Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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