I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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