hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
