I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
