There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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