my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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