i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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