Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
