Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
