i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
