So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
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You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize