you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Bring me that man meat
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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