break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
