i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
