plz talk dirty to me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
